News Flash: Funeral home staff pry gun from Heston’s cold dead hands
LOS ANGELES, California - Spokesman for the Heston family announced today that Hollywood legend Charlton Heston’s rifle was finally pried from his cold dead hands on Saturday night at the age of 84. The spokesman declined to comment on the cause of Heston’s death.
When asked to comment on the difficulty of removing said weapon, Shady Oaks Funeral Home mortician Carl Smith stated, “Once I got past the rigamortis it wasn’t difficult at all. I just peeled back his fingers, and pulled his rifle right out.”
Funeral plans have not yet been finalized, but Heston’s body is expected to be processed into soylent green wafers and fed to the populace early this week. More as this story develops.
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